Monday, November 13, 2017

13. caught off guard | #30Layers30Days

inspired by what could be, 
to a love that does not yet exist...

After the whirlwind of a relationship between me and my first love ended, I made a conscious decision to avoid writing about relationships on my blog, other than a love poem here and there. Years went by before I ever publicly mentioned the mere possibility of letting someone new in and when I finally did, even that turned out to be a complete disaster. Therefore, I resorted back to the anti-love campaign, keeping my trust to a minimum and my precious words far away from the likes of men with ill intentions. This act of defiance in my writing was pretty much a reflection on how I was guarding my heart, shielding it from forces designed to destroy such a fragile and vital organ to survival.

But I am realizing why the heart is so closely associated with feminism; it is a muscle-no matter how delicate it is-that is designed to be strong, resilient, and functions as the core of an anatomical system that would fail completely without it. Understanding this allowed me to be a little less guarded, a little more open to what the universe had it store for me, a little more receptive to the gift of companionship, and genuinely see the beauty of second chances. This all started within myself and was an essential part of my self love journey. Little by little, I released the hurt I was holding on to and I felt the stars aligning. The future was unpredictable, but the possibilities became infinite, and there was peace in that.

Completely caught off guard, I found myself falling in again, allowing myself to feel again, and giving myself permission to write through it.  Quite unexpectedly, like a blessing out of the clear blue sky, a friendship has blossomed into something more and given us both, two previously wounded individuals, an opportunity to face our fears associated with love and conquer those fears together. Not only have I been fortunate enough to know a someone who challenges me to excel and reach higher levels as a friend, I've also found a partner whose presence feels just like the peace of mind I've spent my whole life searching for. It's too soon to proclaim I'm falling in love; I just know I'm falling in something and to say it feels so damn good is an understatement. The way he makes me smile so effortlessly and how he makes me feel absolutely beautiful in my most vulnerable state confirms that this is something worth exploring.

It's such a breath of fresh air to go from heartbreak to restoration and to experience a connection with someone that instantly felt like home, even if moving and moving on is something that could happen after a while. Life is full of surprises, so neither of us truly knows what the future holds and a lot of personal reservations are still hanging in the balance. However, in this moment, I am so incredibly thankful for whatever is brewing between us and optimistic about the road ahead.

 Follow me on Twitter + IG: | ♡ @ChymereA

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