Thursday, September 11, 2014

Fighting Depression

Something many people don’t know about me is that I go through waves of depression. And by waves, I mean the funk comes and goes, but when it comes, it takes me into a deep darkness that is not always easy to pull myself out of. It’s never so much sadness that I contemplate suicide or self-harm, however I do understand where that kind of self-destructive thinking roots from.

I’ve wanted to write about the topic of depression for a while and I am still not sure if I’m quite ready to expose myself to do so. The reason I decided to though was because I was recently reminded of something I wrote on my old blog a while ago: sometimes your scars are there to heal others. Perhaps, I don’t have tons of expertise on the subject itself, but I know that depression is very real for so many people. From my experience, it is a demon disguised as a disease and medication is not always a guaranteed way to cure people of it. And it makes me cringe when people can’t seem to understand just how real it is.

Just the other night, I experienced one of those waves again. Like always, a feeling of inadequacy erupts and happiness becomes so distant that I have to fight my way back to it. Given all the events that have taken place in this country, in the world, I felt extremely selfish because I can never really give an explanation as to why my emotions always seem to be so unstable. The reoccurring questions that replay in my head are: How can I live this way? How can I love this way? How can others love you when you “are” this way? 

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