Friday, February 28, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #28: Self-Portrait #nofilter

This has been such an amazing challenge!  I'm really proud of myself and all the amazing writers who completed it. Thank you to the wonderful ladies of From a Wildflower and Twenties Unscripted for creating it! Now excuse me while I take a little blogging/social media hiatus (drained is an understatement). 

Clickable links to all the days of the challenge:

1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 
8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 
15 // 16 // 17 // 18 // 19 // 20 // 21 // 
22 // 23 // 24 // 25 // 26 // 27

Stay inspired.
Chymere Anais


Thursday, February 27, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #27: Share Decade + Old Photo & Story Behind it

The truth is, I was way too young to recall what the story actually was behind this photo. Circa 1990, I had to be a young little duckling, maybe a couple months of age. It's a shot of me propped on my Uncle's 6 '.4 " frame, probably in La-la land dancing with the imaginary cherubs up there.  By the background, I can tell we were at the outlet malls in South Carolina. Knowing him, he was probably using me as bait to pick up beautiful women, but I'm pretty sure the reasons were irrelevant at the time. He was fly, I was cool, and any woman that wanted him had to come by me first anyway (LOL).  I just adore this photo, because if you ever saw me and him interact together, even now, this picture would easily explain the backbone of the outgoing relationship we have with each other; it's always a good time when he's around, but I know when to take him seriously. Either way, I'm happy, loved, and protected.

Whenever I come across a photo of me with one of the amazing men in my life, whether it be with my dad or one of my many uncles, gratitude elevates to the highest extent and it visually reminds me of what a blessing it is to have so many incredible men in my life.

Stay inspired.
Chymere  Anais

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #26: Juicy Phone Convo

"I miss you."

"I miss you too," my response was playful, endearing even. I sincerely did miss him, but had to brace myself for the intent of this phone call. 

"How much?" he smiled through his words. 


There was an awkward silence now.  I can't give him too much satisfaction, because he's seen so much of me already.

"I have something to say and I need you to listen closeli," I said breaking the steel silence with my now serious tone, "You don't have the capacity to love me the way I deserve to be loved."

Another cold silence came in after my statement and I kept thinking he could hear my heart beating. Although it was very similar to conversations before,  this time I wasn't bluffing.  Once again, I allowed him into my world and felt damaged because of that; not because I think he's a bad person, I just know we can't be what the other needs, and he knows it as well.

I could hear his breathing deepen, as if his ego was trying to keep his self from crying.  The emotions I felt in return was so heartbreaking. Why does the necessary always have to be so hard?

"I understand," he uttered, which he always did, naturally. 

He was there when I needed someone to talk to, for every failed relationship, even moments I knew I could call, but didn't and not once judged me for just needing him in those moments. Since I was 11 years old, he has been the friend I turned to for just about everything.  It amazes me that it didn't matter how shattered or put together, how happy or heartbroken, I was when I came to him, how long it had been since our last conversation, or who held our interest at the moment, he always welcomed me with the best hug.  He's liked me since we met, but we've always just been close friends, however that one distinctive summer when I came home from college, we crossed the line between friend zone and lovers, and since then, our connection had an added element that draws me even closer to him.  We were no longer strictly platonic, even though we tried so hard to be. 

Almost naturally, I get incredibly attached to people once I love them and he's one of the few that's been close enough to my heart to make me cry if they weren't in my life anymore.  It's the way I love and I haven't yet learned to control that.  

Something-actually three things-happened during our periods of non-communication and here is the twist of the saga.  There are three small beautiful, intelligent, amazing children that will always come before me.  I ran into all of them recently and an electrical surge ran through me. Fortunately, we both were able to keep things rather cordial. At that point, I knew I opened my existence to him again without meaning to. Although it is commendable that he's a great father, I need the attention he can't give me. I can't say that the mother is absolutely done with him romantically either.  On top of that, I have these insane, lingering, unwanted feelings for my ex.  So now you can easily understand why the situation is much bigger than "us", whatever we are.  

He spoke again, "You don't have the capacity to love me the way I deserve to be loved either."  

Sting. I had to calculate what to say next without caving in, "You've been an awesome person to me and I'm sorry that I wasn't that dependable."

So then, we go into this spill about why I'm so awesome and why I should believe that. 

"Why apologize for that?" he inquired, "I've always thought you were awesome. You are who you are and who you want to be."

Silence was the real juice of this conversation, apparently, because again, all I could hear was breath and all I could do was breathe. His mind is just so beautiful and most people would never get a chance to see that. 

"Chymere, I want you to know that I'm always here for you, no matter what. "

I know he means that and it was shocking at how easily it came out of his mouth, but it's up to me to accept that the damage is done, put emotions aside, and walk away before things get too messy. 

"Good bye," I said, touching 'end' on my phone screen, because pushing him away is so much easier to deal with at this point. 

True story.


Tuesday, February 25, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #25: My Vices

Now when I looked up the term 'vice', I couldn't quite figure out what I could say that could relate to what a vice is.  I'm sure I'm not impartial to sin or wicked behavior, but nothing immediately came to mind to be able to call my darkness out directly.  Therefore,  what I have listed here may just be surface understanding, so I apologize for not going deeper today. 
  • The best of my days start and end with Coffee + Tea, both loaded with raw sugar and french vanilla creamer. 
  • I can't explain my love/hate relationship with or my addiction to social media. I dislike the affect it has on how we communicate, but I have yet to pull away from it for an extended period of time. 
  • And even though I'm an "vegan" now, I gotta have my Chocolate, sweets in general really. I am still on a quest for the perfect, vegan alternative, but until I find it, chocolate will continue to be apart of my "diet".
  • God is constantly dealing with me on my patience defect. I'm incredibly impatient, however learning, that waiting builds character.  
  • Lastly, I have a tendency to mock people and 99.9% of the time, it's not intended to be malicious in any way. For instance, if I think someone, even a stranger to me, has an interesting dialect, I will mock what they say and how they say it. Awful habit I know. The first step is always awareness.

So there you have it, my vices.  What is your evil? 


Monday, February 24, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #24: Last Time I Cried

For good reason, I'm sure, this month has been full of tears.  Some have been reactions to sad news while others have been full of joy. The stories varied and at one point, it was all just an overwhelming rush of things occurring to and around me, shifting the world as I know it.  From hearing about the death of a friend to the wedding of another, the floodgates have been opened. However, the last time I really cried, it was my spirit absorbing what was happening my immediate environment. 

This weekend has been a major move of God.  For the past few weeks or so, I've been really struggling with different things, trying to conquer demons standing on my own.  Along with that, my church became less of a priority as other things became more important.  It wasn't that I was missing going to church on Sunday, but I was going inside a building, seeking the truth in outside places, and suddenly confused about what truth is. As a result, I lost momentum without realizing the reason why.  Later I discovered I simply wasn't where I was supposed to be. 

Now, I do not consider myself to be a "religious" person, just because of the connotation of religion itself, but I have always believed in refueling the spirit and the prime time to do that has always been on Sunday.  It keeps me grounded and sets a positive tone for the week ahead. I've discovered the best way of doing that is through church, and not just any church, but somewhere that I feel connected to the ministry and a place where I'm being fed spiritually and mentally.  Before this Sunday, I hadn't been doing that and as a result, my life just seemed so off balance, but these past few days have compensated for everything I missed out on.  

Last night, a few of my friends from church gathered, and it was almost too amazing for words.  The energy in the room was intense, but not in an uncomfortable sense.  I am just so grateful to now be surrounded by people who not only make me feel good, but people whose spirits and hearts for Christ draws me to them. Some of them I've known for years while others are more recent additions, but each of them are indefinitely family. As we were in intellectual dialogue about a myriad of topics, I could see what God was doing in the midst, how strategic everything has been up to this point in all of our lives, and I couldn't help but to cry. Tears of gratitude, joy, peace just flowed against my own resistance and I really can't describe what was felt. I do know that everyone was completely on the same wavelength; it just showed me that I wasn't alone. 

God works in amazing and clever ways...and all I can do is be grateful for that presence in my life. 

-Chymere A.


Sunday, February 23, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #23: 100 Words {A Prayer}

Dear God,
I thank you so much for your protection and unconditional love; for your everlasting grace and mercy. You are so amazing and worthy of my praise, therefore I submit myself to you. I give you all my dreams, passions, insecurities, and fears.  Allow me to remain an open vessel so that you may work through me to touch the lives of others and that the manifestation process is in direct alignment with your will for my life.  Lord, I thank you for what you’ve done, everything you’re doing, and all that you continue to do. 

I love you.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Soundtrack Saturdays: Vol. 88 {Homage to Hip-Hop}

This week I was jamming out heavy to the hip hop classics, such as Tupac and Nas (I'm a huge fan of both) and I was inspired to create a play list of my all time faves from this genre, new and old.  All day Friday, cleaning up, I was in a zone of pleasant nostalgia. People never believe me, but I did grow up in a bad neighborhood, therefore a lot of what rappers spoke about, I could relate to. 

My parents-well my mom-tried to shelter me from rap growing up (my dad is a hip-hop/jazz head). I had no business knowing Tupac lyrics at age 7, but hip-hop was so hypnotic and powerful in the 90's, early 2000s and in some cases, is still very much alive.  Anytime the opportunity presented itself to get lost in that world, I had to "rebel"; it was my escape. Eventually, mom realized that I had no desire to wear the rose colored sunglasses of music all the time.

Rap didn't influence me to go out to do anything crazy, because I really didn't see it in a negative light.  They were poetic stories full of knowledge, power, social/political consciousness and an overall expression of freedom and struggle.  At its best, hip-hop is an art form that serves as an escape from oppression, consequently transforming the negatives into something constructive, and despite all the bad rep, that will always be beautiful to me.

And so, this play list was born as a homage to hip-hop.
♥ Chymere A.

  1. Rule x Nas (Amerie)
  2. Renegade x Jay Z (Eminem)
  3. Slum Beautiful x Outkast
  4. Brave Heart x Lupe Fiasco (Poo Bear)
  5. Dear Mama x Tupac
  6. To Live and Die in L.A. x Tupac
  7. Warrior Song x Nas (Alicia Keys)
  8. Unconditional Love x Tupac
  9. Form Follows Function x Lupe Fiasco
  10. All About You x Tupac
  11. Jazzy Belle x Outkast
  12. Beautiful x Damian Marley
  13. How Do U Want It x Tupac (K-Ci and JoJo)
  14. Leaders x Nas and Damian Marley 


WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #22: Long Lost Friend/Family Member

You're not so much long lost as I'd like you to be at this point. I know it sounds harsh, but allow me to explain...

I've been praying hard about who to keep and dismiss to protect my realm. For some odd reason, I keep trying to mend what God himself has intentionally pulled apart by constantly allowing you to make room in my life. It's not to say that you're a bad person, but I do think we are better off without each other. If you understand the growth process, you'll understand where we differ. I am finally learning how to let go of people who drain me completely of all my good energy; it's not safe to continue to hold on to that. 

Perhaps, you will decide one day that my words are important and stumble across this blurb of sorts. If this open letter hurts you on some level, I hope you have the bravery to communicate that with me. I have nothing but love and respect for you.

I haven't always been compassionate towards you. I claim responsibility for the distorted image you must carry of who Christ is (God materializes himself in each one of us as humans). Many times, mostly out of defense, I would yell at you, instead of praying for/with you and for that I truly apologize. I will try to do better in the future with every being I encounter, jusy because I know better. 

This does not speak specifically one person, but I think "you" will know exactly who you are. As much as I want to hold on, it is time to forgive and release.

-Chymere A.

Friday, February 21, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | Day #21: 21st Photo + A Story Behind the Photo

DAY #21: 
Share the 21st picture in your phone and story behind it

Have you ever just had a perfect day, where everything seemed right with the world? I experience a myriad of these days, sometimes in clusters. I am convinced it's because I believe they actually exist and I hold on to them tightly, in the case that I forget.  This day was perfect and I can't remember if anything in particular happened to cause this;  I only remember feeling completely free, and being happy, full of energy, and blissfully in love...

It was Spring semester 2008 when this photo happened, so this is definitely a throwback.  Unplanned and candid, my boo (at the time) snapped a photo of me and my bestie/teammate/roommate/sister-separated-at-birth holding hands as we were leaving his dorm room.  Time with him always made me happy, but it was something about this day in particular...

Now that I think about it, both of us were literally in an extremely good mood at the same time, a type of telepathically in-sync thing that we experienced quite often.  The weather was aligned with that mood, too. I can't recall where we were headed exactly, but I do know that the day only got better from that point.  And no, we didn't plan to have on similar outfits for the day.  It was the first time I'd seen her since practice that morning and when I left the dorm, she was sleep. 

Browsing through old pictures, I came across this one and immediately saved it to my phone, because it was so reflective of how I felt that day.  I adore photos that capture the moment perfectly, just like this one.

When God blesses you will special memories, don't just let them fade with the passing time.  Hold on to them tightly, in the case that you ever forget.



Thursday, February 20, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #20: How I Imagined My Twenties vs. Reality

Obviously, during my youth, I held on to lavish expectations of my twenties. Most of us did.  However, I think my perception of "having it together" has changed drastically from that point.  I used to think that success was tied to the tangibles, such as having a car or having a good job with benefits, going on expensive trips with girlfriends, and although those are the basics, it doesn't end or begin there.

In retrospect, my goals were more limited and boxed in. I wanted to be, do, follow every path my family expected me to follow in order to make them proud.  I wanted to be the perfect friend and girlfriend. Deep down inside, I wanted to be apart of certain crowds, even if it cost me my own identity. I wanted a nice car, a nice house, a good man, and while I do still desire the latter of those things, they no longer serve as the ultimate standard for what I want to achieve in life. The questions I ask myself now to keep myself on track are more on the lines of how balanced I am,  how rich my relationships are, how much time I invest in activities that bring me joy, etc. In high school, things like that were far from my mind. My realm of understanding was all social conditioning and things that I was taught to want.

The major difference between then and now is that I was not my authentic self then.  I did not understand what it meant to be true to that.  For instance, once I started to understand myself more, I looked at my tattoos with eyes of regret, thinking that they were permanent, impulsive ties to a phase I've graduated from, but now I see them as beautiful, artistic symbols of several layers of who I am and what I stand for.   

Twenties is an odd decade of growth, self-discovery, and clarification of which direction to take, however, I'm learning to be present, to be fully engulfed in this moment.  Although I am imperfectly human, nothing is a mistake.  Every step plays a vital role in this journey, and I'm just enjoying the ride. 

-Chymere A.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #19: Share a Secret

Wildflowers Unscripted Day #19:
Share a Secret

Before I started this challenge, I had many, now I have a handful of them that I'll never be ready to share with the world.  The secret is that I have secrets that I will probably take with me to the grave, secrets that my own trustworthy journals can't hold, secrets that I've only confessed to God and never gave a second thought to.  Some are mine and some are the secrets that others have entrusted with me. 

So the secret is out: I have secrets.

Chymere  Anais

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #18: My Body

Wildflowers Unscripted Day #18:
My Body

In my eyes, I am bigger than average, but in very much in shape. Wide shoulders propel me through deep waters and flawless legs kick behind me effortlessly when I fly, but I never considered my 5'.2" tattoo art covered frame on its own to be a bit of sexy, at least not in a physical sense (although I feel sexy very often). The curls in my hair rise toward the sun, defying gravity.  Despite what society would deem as imperfect, I've learned to celebrate my body and I honor what makes it happy.  With a few exceptions, of course, here is a list of things that my body completely benefits from on so many different levels:   

Things that make [my body] happy:

  1. Dancing around the house to my favorite tunes. I am probably the worst dancer ever in the history of my bloodline, but it gives me so much joy to just release and allow my body to just move without limits or structure to music.  
  2. Meditation.  Recently, I began Kundalini yoga classes. It's hard to even explain in a few sentences what it's done for my mind, body, and spirit and how much more I'm learning about my own internal energy. I will say though that, so far, it's majorly improved my balance in keeping me present and centered.
  3. Good food.  Being vegan has really changed how I see food, but it doesn't change my appetite. However, the way I eat the food I love now isn't damaging or counterproductive to a healthy lifestyle. It's awesome really. [Check out my vegan blog : EVOLVEGAN --- shameless plug.]
  4. Swimming. Occasionally, I'll go shoot some hoops at a local park or gym. Sometimes I'll run a few miles. But swimming is truly what I love to do and will do for the rest of my life. 
  5. Nature walks/jogs are so peaceful and refreshing.  Science would say it's a very mind stimulating activity that gets the creative juicing flowing, so that in theory is a plus.
  6. Daytime showers and night baths are just as relaxing and good for you as movement is. Perfect for starting the day and perfect for unwinding at the end of a long one. 
  7. Spa treatments.  I don't do this as often as I probably should, so when I do, it's like Christmas. Great way to recharge and recenter.
  8. Waking up naturally.  You know those rare days in the mix of the constant go where you don't have anything to do the next day except to just be and somehow, everyone and the universe knows to not interrupt your slumber?  I adore days like that.
The original intent for today's challenge was to muster up the courage to create some model-esque visual for this post, but that never happened. And I thought it to be misleading to use a shot of someone else's. Perhaps one day, I'll come back and fill in the spaces with a classy risque photo shoot, but for now, this is the best I can give.  


Monday, February 17, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #17: Near Death Experience

The night before I hadn't slept, but I made several lengthy trips like the one ahead with no sleep to speak of. However, this time, I was extremely sleepy; apart of me knew it felt a little different this time and I should schedule my time accordingly.  My agenda called and I needed to get back to NC.  I even tweeted for someone to pray for me, because I was facing a 6 hour drive in a sleep deprived condition.  

Well apparently someone prayed for me...

Janet Jackson sang in the background as I drove along. I purposely planned to listen to songs I could sing along to. Usually, that keeps me awake on long drives.  All of a sudden...B O O M !!!   The car went thrusting violently in the back of a massive SUV.  How long had I been sleep? I'm alive, I guess. Did I kill anyone? I had no time to sort through and answer the millions of questions swimming in my thoughts. The airbags exploded as the car spun out of control with me in it.  Eventually, I landed smashed in a tree in the middle of an interstate median.  My head was spinning; I couldn't decipher whether I was in a realm between death and hell or if I was still in my human existence on earth. 

Shell shock. Hypertension. Panic attack. Trauma.  All of these things happened at once. I felt my breathing shorten, eyes flushed with tears. My body was in so much pain and I could've sworn I was bleeding from the inside out.  

The scene swarmed with blue and red lights. Cops. Paramedics. The works. Finally, I caught my breath. Not really sure how I went from point A to point B, but I found myself in the passenger side of a police car, conversing through sobs and sweat with a friendly cop about what just happened, or at least, what I could recall.  According to one of the nearby witnesses, I fell asleep at the wheel, which prompted them to dial 911.

Immediately, I wanted to know the status of the people around me.  It always happens that the irresponsible driver lives while the innocent bystanders reap the consequences.  That was not the case.  There was only one other vehicle involved. All the passengers inside were safe.  The other surrounding cars pulled over to call the accident in.  I discovered from my talk with the cop that it was actually an entire web of strangers who genuinely cared about the safety of the other and the other driver involved decided not to press charges, even though there was a young child in the back seat. Incredible.   

I was released to view my car before the tow truck came.  My 2004 Toyota Corolla was completely perished.  As much as it hurt me to see my dependable little Carrie in such a harsh condition, I couldn't figure out how I even made it out of that car, or how I still had functioning limbs.  Everything had completely caved in from the midpoint of the front two seats all the way to the tip of the hood, glass was everywhere from the shattered windshield, yet I survived without a scratch. 

I made one phone call and three of my closest friends were there in a heartbeat. No questions. No hesitation. They carpooled an hour out of town to come to my rescue, sympathizing with me to make sure I was okay and long enough to make a laugh seep through my tears.  That was the coconut icing on the cake.

Once I was able to catch my breath again, prayers began to erupt from my soul. Oh sweet breath! I praised God for sparing my life and the lives of others.  From that point on, I was so humbled, so grateful for the smallest of things.  I didn't know what I did to deserve such amazing grace that day, but I knew it could only mean that I am here for a reason and the best way to show my appreciation is to live on purpose every. single. day.

-Chymere A.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

WILDFLOWERSUNSCRIPTED | DAY #16: I'm a Wildflower Because...

After writing this, I realized that the words came out as an expansion of my manifestA, therefore, I feel like I'm constantly adding to my story.  That's a beautiful thought and it may not have ever crossed my mind to write one in the first place.  

I am a wildflower because I am shamelessly myself.  
I am aware of my divine feminine energy the lies within and I recognize that same power in other women.
I become more self aware with each passing day.
I have grown into a woman who aims for internal completion rather than seeking temperamental, external things/people to complete her. 
I no longer make room for people who are toxic to my being. 
I believe in love, magic, friendship, despite what has happened in the past, because I am able to shift my attention to things that really matter.
I have become aware of the things I radiate by what I feed my mind, body, and spirit. 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Soundtrack Saturdays: Vol. 87 {Mood Music}

This playlist is perfectly reflective of the nostalgic mood portrayed in the poem I wrote for today's Wildflower challenge. Some of the songs may come off a little sad, but to me, there is a glimmer of hidden optimism in the lyrics and the tempos, which is a perfect depiction of my emotions today.  I concluded with XO, because I still absolutely love that song and video. Hope you all are having a beautiful weekend!

VDAY2014 by Chymere on Grooveshark

  1. I Wish You Heaven x Prince
  2. Make You Feel My Love x Bob Dylan
  3. Flowers in Your Hair x The Lumineers
  4. Say Something x A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera
  5. My Love x Celine Dion
  6. Clarity x Zedd ft. Foxes
  7. Never Let Me Go x Florence & the Machine
  8. Stolen Moments x Alicia Keys
  9. High Road x Izzy Bizu
  10. XO x Beyonce
Chymere Anais

WildflowersUnscripted | Day #15: Confession {Summer of Love}

Here I am, sharing my poetry once again.  Perhaps, this writing challenge has my creative juices flowing by being force to write; to just let thought flow how it will.  It has resurrected these buried thoughts and for the first time in a long time, I'm just allowing myself to feel my emotions as they come. I feel so wide open and vulnerable, which isn't the easiest of task, but I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone and put myself all the way out there. With that being said, this confession erupted as a poem unintentionally, so I thought it would be fitting to share it today.

Summer of Love

Let’s be together all summer long,
Lock ourselves in dim lit rooms for days at a time, 
Awake to the smell of sun and salt,
And lay in bed all day conversing about life and music.
Let's get to know each other as the individuals we've become since growing apart,
Take road trips on the weekends, 
Get drunk on life and bask in passionate love.
Give space to spend hours reconnecting our hearts
And recognize what went wrong,
Then return to autumn 
And only then give ourselves permission to decide if this is what we really want,
Because I really do love you and I know you love me too;
We just need time to remember, in order to heal, in order to grow. 

Chymere Anais

Friday, February 14, 2014

WildflowersUnscripted | Day #14: V-Day (What I Did Today)

First and foremost, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all you beautiful souls who love love.  This is one of the many days that get a bad rep for being overly commercialized, trick of consumerism.  Personally, I am big on most holidays, because usually, it's just for the sake of being festive, not necessarily for tradition.

To the couples, who certainly celebrate their love year round, I hope you took the time to go that extra mile to make your significant other feel special. For those of us who are not in a relationship, this is known as SINGLES AWARENESS DAY, but who made that a negative thing?  

After leaving swim practice, I came home and made myself breakfast, complete with vegan waffles and and strawberries. I planned to go the nail salon to treat myself to a mani/pedi, but didn't make it there. I know it will be just relaxing and well needed tomorrow morning.  

It can be pretty daunting to go to the movies alone, let alone on Valentine's day, but since I was feeling bold, I decided to get cute and take myself to see 'The Wolf of Wall Street'.  Initially, I wanted to see the Kevin Hart movie, but I wasn't feeling up for a romantic comedy today. Smiling at the passing couples, being the only one alone really wasn't as bad as I'd imagined.  The movie was awesome and, surprise, surprise, I really did enjoy my own company.  The day is almost over, so I stopped by Trader Joe's for some groceries. After a nice, relaxing oatmeal bath and yummy dinner, I am spending the rest of the evening watching the events of NBA All Star Weekend and movies. And it just dawned on me, I pretty much did the same thing last year.  It's become a ritual to nurture, spoil, heal self.

Today, I took the time to celebrate me; the woman I am and the one I'm becoming.

-Chymere A.

Movie lineup: 

♥ American Beauty (1999)
♥ Sex and the City (2010)
♥ Blue Like Jazz (2012)
♥ Ted (2012)


    Look Book: LBD

    Black Tie Event

    Valentine's day is Friday and if I had extravagant plans, I would absolutely model something like this for a night out . All black with pops of soft pink are really what defines this ensemble. It has a simplicity that is classic, chic, and sexy all at the same time. Normally, I'm a casual gal, but I'd like to think that I do clean up rather nicely. And I've always been told, by the classy clan of women who raised me, that a little black dress is a closet essential. 

     What do you think of this outfit? What are your V-day plans?

    ♥ Chymere A.

    Thursday, February 13, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #13: How My Friends/Family Will Describe Me

    For this part of the challenge, I sent text a few of my closest friends, asking them to describe me in a few words. I asked my parents the same question.  Surely, I'm far from perfect and not always the easiest person to put up with, but they all had wonderful things to say and it made me blush. It's always incredible to see yourself through other people's eyes.
    • Mommy said: Creative, bubbly, scatter brained, impulsive (lol)
    • Daddy said: Resilient, creative, beautiful
    • Christina said: Creative, caring, passionate
    • Josh said: Ambitious, adventurous, creative
    • Taelor said: Goofy, weirdo, sweet when I want to be
    It's unimportant whether I agreed with them or not. The people who love us are mirrors of who we are, not a direct reflection, but a balance of opposites, allowing us to see things we cannot see with our own will.

    What do your friends/family members say about you?


    Chymere Anais


    Wednesday, February 12, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #12: Praise a Person

    Me and my dad don't always see eye to eye. 
    Mother darling says it's because we're so much alike.
    Sure he has his flaws; we all do.  Maybe it's not so bad that I take on his light as well as his shadows.

    From day one, he continues to do the best he knows how to do sans having an example of a father in his life or any real clue about how to raise a daughter.  Given the resources-or lack thereof rather-he did an exceptional job, if I must say so myself.

    Whenever I forget my worth, as I do from time to time, he reminds me...that I am beautiful. I am resilient. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the designer of this magnificent universe.

    I can never expect for any man to come along and treat me like my dad treats me and my mom. Unfortunately, no one will ever be able to achieve that standard, but if they come close, even halfway, I'd be happy.  And that's what he wants for me.

    And I know it would've been easier to have left, but thank God he chose to stay...
    No matter how much I take him for granted,
    no matter how much I didn't take tough love the way he intended,
    no matter how many low blows I threw at him with my words of anger and thrashing attitude...
    He made a vow to not neglect his own family like his dad did, and he's kept that promise to himself and to us. Now that I'm older, I am mature enough to see just how much he sacrificed so that I would experience a better life than he ever had a chance to.

    I praise the person he's been to me, despite our differences, because I love him so much and I'm very lucky to have a father, who takes his role to heart.  Thank you, daddy, for being my Superman.

    Chymere A.


    Tuesday, February 11, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #11: Health Scare

    Health Scare


    I'm sure there were a number of words and phrases surrounding it, but I couldn't understand them.  It was all jibberish, but that word came out crystal clear. There I was, scared for my life in a hospital room, trying to make sense of this nonsense.

    I kept quiet. For months, I waited to hear the next steps of operation. My judgement was clouded, but the surface world was in tact. For whatever reason, I didn't trust the doctor. I could hear apart of my spirit whisper "Leave it in my hands," so I put all my faith in God and was prayerful.

    At the beginning of 2014, my pastor gave orders for us to do the Daniel fast corporately, which in retrospect, is probably what lead me to consider vegan-ism. The doctor told me that my diet would need to expand, but something told me otherwise so that's what I did: fasted. 

    Suddenly, I was at peace. I began to see my life and the people in it with pure gratitude. With all the survivors and fighters in my bloodline, I felt okay and allowed their strength inside me to be my guiding light. For a twenty something year old whose health was at stake, I sure was taking it quite well, but I know for a fact it wasn't me alone who achieved that level of indescribable peace.

    Finally, it was time to go back to the doctor's office. The storm tried to take over my thoughts again and it took everything in me to remain peaceful. 

    "I don't know what you've been doing, but the cancer is gone. It's not there anymore."

    God is amazing. There is no science to miracles. 

    -Chymere Anais

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    Monday, February 10, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #10: Defining Life Moment

    The strangest thing has been happening lately.  Funny, I didn't have a clue what to write today, but I think what I want to say fits this post well. 

    Back in November, I did an interview for All the Many Layers with Ms. GG Renee, whose questions in regards to why I write were extremely thought provoking. Up until that point, I really didn't understand why; it's just something I liked that I just so happened to do really well (and I say that in modesty). The interview opened with me saying:

    "I believe that writing is my way of praying, because often times I am able to convey through my words what my heart is really saying through journaling.  Everything I experience is written out and that is my way of seeking/speaking to God, the higher being that I acknowledge...

    I can’t always get out what needs to be released verbally. I am amused by how much I learn about myself and my progress towards becoming the woman I was destined to be whenever I go back to read what has been written. The story of my evolution is told through ink and it’s a really beautiful experience to witness that.

    Oddly, I've been literally dreaming about story lines plots, characters- and have to write them as soon as I wake up.  I can't recall this ever happening to me, where my imagination comes to life in dreams so vividly, as if I'm watching a play at the theater, and I'm only able to remember it all just long enough to put it in words. Last night, it happened again. When I woke up, I lingered in bed a little longer, trying to figure out the connection.  Afraid I'd lose the story, I didn't move around too much, only to reach for my iPhone, and the notes app  served as pen and paper. In that moment, getting that story out of me was the most important thing in the world.  That was my defining moment. 

    I've been praying a lot lately, in a way where dreams and reality merge.  It's a beautiful feeling that makes me feel incredibly close to achieving my goals. 

    Chymere Anais

    Sunday, February 9, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #9: Theme Song of My Life

    Day #9:
    Theme Song of My Life

    The theme song to my life changes quite frequently by the day sometimes, but there is one that never fails to be appropriate anytime I hear it. The theme song of my life would have to be:

    This beautiful song continues to bring me through the toughest times and reminds me that good things do come to those who wait; not necessarily being in a standstill, but allowing things to unfold in their divine order.  Not rushing destiny and appreciating the present moment.  This song has become my anthem, because patience is something I'm constantly having to check and adjust.  The moment I feel myself losing it, I just press play and something about this song automatically brings me back to my center.

    Chymere Anais


    Saturday, February 8, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #8: New/Different City: City of Angels Play List

    Day #8: New/Different City

    Soundtrack Saturdays: Vol. 86 {City of Angels Play List}

    Today's challenge, which so happened to be a Saturday, is to highlight a NEW/DIFFERENT CITY, one that's not my own, I assume.  Pretty soon, you all will understand how fitting this is, or perhaps you already do *giggles*.  Continuing my California play list that I started back in 2012, merged with today's challenge, here is a compilation of songs that automatically put me in the very essence of the City of Angels, most of which have been previously featured on the blog. Enjoy! -Chymere Anais
    1. California x Phantom Planet
    2. Counting Stars x One Republic
    3. The Recipe x Kendrick Lamar, Dr. Dre. 
    4. Disparate Youth x Santigold
    5. So What if it is x The Foreign Exchange
    6. The Only Place x Best Coast
    7. Unwritten x Natasha Bedingfield
    8. PUSH x Lenny Kravitz
    9. Welcome to Paradise x Green Day
    10. Los Angeles Lies x Summer Heat
    11. Everything x Jhero
    12. Breezin' x George Benson
    13. Same Night Sky x 2 a.m. Club
    14. Lately x Dom Kennedy 
    15. National Anthem x Lana Del Rey
    16. Ready or Not x Bridget Mendler

    Friday, February 7, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #7: Because I am a Blogger, People Assume...

    Day #7: Because I Am a Blogger, People Assume

    Here's a fun prompt for this month's writing challenge.  Excuse my sarcasm, but clarifying false logic is better this way.  The following statements are not true and in most cases, assumptions are synonymous with ignorance.

    Because I am a blogger, people assume:
    • Here, I pretty much have an open space to express myself publicly, therefore I am willing to offer creative services free of charge.
    • I want to be famous
    • I'm interested in celebrity drama and whereabouts.
    • I'm a fashion blogger with easy access and backstage passes to major events like Art Basel in Miami or NYFW for me and all of my comrads.
    • I either have too much time on my hands and have no life, or, I do have a life, and I don't put in any real work or effort to maintain my blog.
    • It's a silly idea to think anyone can make a sustainable living as a "full time blogger"
    • I follow trends.  

    I'm sure the list is endless, but this will have to just prove a point that blogging isn't a silly hobby that people don't take seriously. I did this blogging thing way before it was a trend, back when cardigans were uncool.  In fact, many of the bloggers I have come to know have launched amazing projects and created thriving brands around it.  Believe it or not, in this cyber world, I am constantly motivated and inspired. Slowly but surely, this corner of the web is venturing beyond "just a hobby", into something profitable and a huge part of my own success.

    Thursday, February 6, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #6: Embarrassing Moment(s)

    I'm known to not take myself too seriously, so that the laughter pretty much invalidates any potential embarrassment.  Or I intentionally forget what it was that embarrassed me, delete it from my memory bank completely, so in moments like this, where the topic calls for an embarrassing moment, I don't really know or remember those particular happenings. I think I remember peers trying to bully me at one point, but as far as I can recall, that didn't effect me much either, and eventually, they figured I wasn't a fun target anyway and gave up.

    Certainly I've had numerous embarrassing moments in my time, overtaken by intoxicated bravery. Even if I was climbing up the walls like some circus monkey or trying to be seductive like a vixen model in an altered mental state, I don't ever remember consciously feeling any sting of embarrassment.  However, that doesn't mean it was any less of an embarrassing situation.

    I do, however, remember a few moments when I found myself extremely embarrassed and even my humor couldn't dismiss it.  For instance:
    • In 4th grade, I shaved off all my eyebrows trying to be cute and I wasn't allowed to wear a beanie to cover it up. My parents are cruel.   
    • In high school, I attempted to make a skirt out of a pillow case and had the audacity to wear some kind of bright colored panties on underneath.  
    • A couple of summers ago, while I was on a walk with my best friend, I decided it would be a great idea to jump over a mud puddle. I slipped. I fell. I laughed my butt off and she laughed with me, tons more hysterical than me of course.
    • And I won't talk about the time I ended up in a shopping cart, only to be tossed in a sea of bushes. #SummerNights
    So, cheers to those laughable scenes that I did remember, just for the sake of fun conversation.

    Chymere Anais

    Click around to check out the other days of this challenge: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5


    Wednesday, February 5, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #5: A Day in the Life

    A Day in the Life of Chymere, hour-by-hour usual Wednesday. 

    5:15 a.m. : The day starts and my loud RISE and CONQUER alarm sounds on my iPhone. Without moving, careful not to wake my dog yet, I open my eyes, say a prayer of gratitude, speak my affirmations. Meditate briefly, if I feel so inclined to do so.
    -Walk and feed my overly-enthused pet companion.  I can't help but to be excited about a new day with her energy around.
    -Shower. Cleanse. Get ready for the day.
    -Make a quick breakfast or grab a green smoothie to-go.

    6:15 am. : At this point, I'm on my way to master's swim team practice, probably stuck in traffic and listening to my music to stay sane, lol.

    7:15 a.m. :  In the water, training with amazing coaches who see my athletic potential and ability.  My body loves it, I'm in my element, and despite how much pain I'm in during the duration of it all, I understand that being my best self (mental, physical, and spiritual) requires me to constantly push pass my own limitations.

    8:15 a.m. : By this time, practice is over and I'm feeling rejuvenated. On my way to my first class of the day.

    9:15 a.m. : In class, doing more daydreaming than actual school work.  Often, I have to re-focus my attention long enough to take notes, because no one wants those problems when test time comes.

    10:15 a.m. : Why are collegiate courses so long and drawn out?

    11:15 a.m. : Food time, finally!  Today, I wrapped my lunch in aluminum foil and ate in the student union.  But that break isn't long. I head to the library.

    12:15 p.m. : Supposed to be studying, but instead, I'm catching up on my blog reading, and getting my daily dose of social media...because staying updated on the world is justified if I've already been studying for the past hour, right? Don't judge me...or do....your choice, but the challenge is to be honest right?

    1:15 p.m. : Second and final class of the day, wondering when this day will end. However, I avoid clocking the minutes as much as possible;  there is still a long day ahead. I grab a Clif bar to eat in order to re-energize myself.

    2:15 p.m. :  The professor said something interesting today and I'm fully engaged and participating.  Mind stimulation always makes me thankful for the education I have access to.

    3:15 p.m. : I'm free (from scholastic obligations, at least.) I head home, thankful that I have learned to navigate the public transit system and don't have to deal with this traffic.
    -Show my baby some love, walk her, give her a snack, which is my sincere apology for being gone all day.
    -Work on the magazine

    4:15 p.m. : After a small meal/border-line snack, a little studying, and barely enough time to really get comfortable, it's time to head to work.

    5:15 p.m. : Recently arrived to work, and I inhale the smell of chlorine for the second time today.  At times, it feels like I spend my entire life in this aquatic sanctuary, which isn't far from the truth, but it's perfectly fine with me. Do what you love.

    6:15 p.m. : Still at work. I am so blessed to be able to make a difference in the lives of this amazing, diverse, and dedicated group of athletes. I especially find it infinitely rewarding to be something like a role model for young black girls and boys who swim, just as good, if not better than, their competitors...

    7:15 p.m. : 'Good set, guys!' I exclaim to worn out swimmers in my best coach's voice to keep them motivated to finish strong, right before a lecture about pushing limits and not giving in to mental senses of weakness. Many times, I tell them the things I have to remind myself of constantly. Now...practice is over and coaches are convening to sketch out tomorrow's workout, goofing around during the entire process. I love my colleagues.

    8:15 p.m. : Home at last. After taking the dog out and eating a shamefully late dinner, I'm finally comfortable in my pajamas, happily cuddled up with my dog, my book, and a cup of hot tea.  She's happy to have me home again, to the same extent that I'm happy to be home for the night.

    What a day...

    Tuesday, February 4, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #4: Poetry

    Day #4: Poetry 

    To Be in Love

    Breathe me for I am in your vicinity 
    Get comfortable while I pour you tea
    And just let the silence in the air
    Fill the empty spaces of imagination 
    Where we are free to be love
    No boundaries, no impossibilities, feel what’s real even if we pretend it
    Let the music uplift us and escape in it
    Dance amongst the stars and tiptoe back to this afternoon
    And quietly drift back into the peace of mind we create in my little room

    Love is natural. We were not born with hate or fear
    Such instincts are learned, but for a flash make them disappear
    Bring back the innocence of birth
    And rebuild the lessons we knew first
    We were created to be love and light
    So let’s not argue and create mindless battles, let’s not fight 
    Let’s just enjoy what we are and what we have in this moment
    And dream endlessly let’s not control it

    Wrap me in your arms and hold me close to your heart
    Consider all our beautiful colors and give me art
    Can we use this time wisely since we are already here, together
    Without stress, or drama, or worries about forever
    And learn to live in love, laughter, and true happiness
    As long as love and laughter exist
    Life is so short and I desire for my time to be well spent
    Don’t waste time analyzing moments that are heaven sent

    Love me for no reason at all; love me just because you can
    We can be apart of each other's lives and make future plans
    Even if we don’t fulfill them we can aim for the sky
    We’re flying on the wings of love ; no one can possibly destroy this high
    Letting our love drown out past heartbreak and for your sake
    I’ll swim across the oceans and run endless miles to see your face
    Spontaneous and liberating to love someone with no logic to recall
    Just learning day by day how to give love my all

    Chymere Anais


    Monday, February 3, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | DAY #3: Story Setting {Love & Color Lines}

    She paced back and forth in the bridal quarters of the church, glancing with blurry eyes and a broken heart at her past lover while her present beau waited in a distant sanctuary.  Grabbing the crease of her white dress with her hand, as if to stop herself from vomiting, she ached for her fiancĂ© to know how much she loved him. In this fatal moment, she was stuck between a rock and a hard place and she could feel it literally squeeze the air out of her.

    Her heart stopped briefly as the man in the room with her pulled her into to him.  Minutes ago, Mari-Anne was supposed to stand before the Lord, with her family and friends as witnesses, to tie the knot of eternity with a man who, up until today, was her soul mate, instead of dealing with confusion and caving in to a former lover’s charm. As this familiar, strong, beautiful man with copper skin held her to keep her calm, she felt a sense of security that she had never felt with the man who was waiting anxiously to marry her. Was it because he was white? Suddenly, her unrealized, inner prejudices resurfaced.

    Why did he have to come here on her special day? Mari escaped from his grasp and walked to the only window in the room. As she stared down at the scene outside, she watched carefully as street performers gathered around the church’s exterior, loudly chanting with signs hailing from their hands. Plastered all over the signs were hate words and racial slurs.  She recalled the never-ending arguments with their families to convince just a few of them to show up at the wedding. It was a constant battle, she thought, a voluntary commitment to fight war with war.

    John came here to stop her. He wanted to protect her and make her aware the unforeseen perils of what life would be like if she went along with the decision to marry a white man.  Unlike Jacob, he was accomplished and controlling, raised by freed men who managed to become the “Uncle Toms”, and respectfully the token black elite in the country clubs across New York City.  Mari knew submitting to him would immediately win her family’s approval. With him, she would have a chance at a better life outside of the slums she grew up in. However, her dreams lead her elsewhere and that’s when she met the love of her life, Jacob. 

    Her thoughts drifted. Jacob was such a wonderful man. For almost 2 years, he courted her, and was nothing but gentle in his pursuit.  He had a beautiful heart and was the complete opposite of the white men that her family hated.  It never even occurred to him that they were bred from two different worlds and class systems, as she reminded him countless times. The moment she gave in, a beautiful love story had begun. Despite the history, society would never learn to approve.

    In her head, questions shot out like fireworks. How could she pretend like riots weren't breaking out right outside of this old Northern cathedral? It was approaching the year 1968, and considering the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. earlier that year, the war on racism was only magnified.  She couldn't understand why she felt so foolish to think that together, they would have the power to fight to keep their love whole, through all the torturous events of the current decade. 

    As of last year, interracial marriage had been legalized in New York, but apparently that didn't stop individuals from wanting to rise above said law. Mari wondered what would have been the response to newlyweds exiting the church today. Ideally, it would be rice grains and joyous tears and laughter, but no one was actually applauding this forbidden marriage, and by the looks of the gloomy weather on that day, not even God.  

    The reality of the matter was finally starting to set in. Hit by a whim of the heart impulse, she raced through the doors of the church, only to catch a glimpse of her future fill the empty shadows.  She stood in the door way, appalled to find her groom was the only person there. His grey, blue eyes shined back at her.  Everyone else made an exit, assuming she'd never show up. Jacob was the last man standing. This would be the story of their life forever, she thought as she ran down the isle, apologizing for being so late.

    “I’d wait forever, Mari.” They shared a kiss and fate was sealed, but now it was time to be a force and fight in the battle they signed up for.

    -The original work of: Chymere A

    {Story concept inspired by Richard & Mildred Lovings. Lovings vs. Virginia, 1958}

    Sunday, February 2, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #2: Past/Current Relationship

    {#WILDFLOWERSUNSCRIPTED Day #2: Past/Current Relationship}
    When the sun is out, life is fine.  I am focused on bettering myself. Some nights, sleep comes easy.  But it's those strange  in between hours where nostalgia has the best of me, allowing me to cling too tightly to the experience of a time past. Quite possibly, it is the stand out reason why my manifestation process has been a little off in this particular area. 

    He fit me so well.  How many times in life do we encounter that person who compliments our whole effortlessly? 

    I've tried to avoid writing about him in this new year, because ink feels very permanent to me, theoretically speaking. I was afraid to write this down, fear that my own words would live to haunt me, just like the memory of him does on nights like this. He seeps into my dreams and breaks my heart all over again. In all honesty, he never really broke my heart; I was just the damsel in distress who deliberately pushed her king away.  So this is my consequence of forcing the perfect love to fit into the wrong time frame. After all, every action has one [a consequence]. I'm still learning how to cope/function, but it's really hard...just as hard as it was 4 years ago.  

    Apart of me wants to suppress these emotions as a sincere attempt to forget forever.  All these years of building myself up, only to feel in ruin again.  I guess Rome was built and rebuilt several times, and is still one of the greatest standing empires, but that's not the point.  I just want my sanity again, a refreshing burst of I AM WORTHY to resonate loudly within me, powerful enough for me to believe that it does get better and that God does have something better in store for me, if only I could just learn to release. Every time I travel down this road of longing for something so unattainable, it feels like I'm a living oxymoron and not really as empowered as I claim to be. 

    Unfortunately, in this case, my romantic past is my current and I haven't been able to draw the line between the two. I try so hard to let go, but the truth is...

    I'll save that for DAY #15: Confession. 

    Chymere Anais

    Saturday, February 1, 2014

    WildflowersUnscripted | Day #1: About Me {The Manifesta}

    #WildflowersUnscripted Day #1:
    About Me {The Manifesta}

    {Find the 3 hidden poems throughout the text}

    I am love and I will be the love I seek.
    I am creativity. I am able to co-create and live the life of my dreams.
    I will use my gifts to glorify God.
    I live my truth.
    I am present.
    I am strong.
    I am brave.
    I have a voice.
    I am at peace with the universe.
    I am whole; I am complete and
    I will only allow individuals who are whole into my space.
    I am blessed. I am loved.

    I stand for the love of all of God's creation.
    I stand for peace and compassion.
    I am an advocate for animal rights.
    It is my duty to do what I can to protect the earth environment; it is my home.
    I stand for harmonious and healthy living.
    I stand for feminism and the balance of masculinity. 
    I stand to be honest in all my pursuits by being conscious 
    and aware of the world inside and the one outside of me.

    -Chymere A. 
     To participate in the WildflowersUnscripted Writing Challenge, CLICK HERE.


    Soundtrack Saturdays: Vol. 85 {Nikki Jean}

    Remember back in 2007 when Lupe Fiasco's second album, 'The Cool' dropped and these beautiful vocals strummed on the chorus of 'Hip Hop Saved My Life'? Well, she sings to me once again, giving me butterflies and nostalgia all at once. Words cannot express how excited I was to discover that singer/songwriter, Nikki Jean partnered with producer, Double-0 to cover to Ab-Soul's "Drift Away". This song and the one to follow have been the background to my thoughts and in heavy rotation all week.

    Little did I know, she released new music sometime towards the end of last year for a project scheduled to release this year! Nikki Jean is such an incredible artist and I only hope her career sky rockets from this point. However, she's one of the few artist, I think, who does what she does purely for the art, whether fame and fortune is the end benefit or not. I'm excited to see what she has up her sleeve, but until then, I'll just rock to this a million times per day. Ah-mazing.

    Chymere Anais

    Also love: Steel & Feathers (Don't Ever), co-written by Bob Dylan.
    Created by Chymere x Design