Monday, January 20, 2014

Untamed. (Pt. I)

At some point last week, I was on this high from dream talk with a dear friend of mine about something I've been pretty stoked about for quite some time. Following that conversation, I sent a text to the crush. While I was talking to my friend, I regained an enthused sense of my dreams. It was concluded and confirmed that I am not growing here, in the place of my birth and childhood. However, for a brief moment shortly after, I reconsidered moving (anytime soon) in trade for a potential relationship with him. 

Keyword: potential.

I've known him for years and I've always really admired his ambition. He has this very attractive leadership quality that I'm automatically drawn to. More importantly, he is a man who is firmly rooted in his faith. There are many things I can say about the man he is and the one he is becoming. He called. We conversed about listening to God's voice to take instruction and direction. Like many conversations we've had before, his stance was that I lack stability, which I agree with to a certain extent. While it was all positive feedback and coming from a good place of heart, I could tell it was a bit bias as I interpreted it as him trying to convince me to stay based on what he is called to do.  So, for a few hours during our conversation, I thought about sensible choices and all the possibilities of forming a relationship with him. 

Possibilities can be such draining thoughts sometimes, especially in matters such as this. I daydreamed of what life would be like, in the case that we do eventually start a relationship, how happy we'd be, what kind of empires we'd build, etc. According to my own predictions, it would probably be good enough to create beautiful memories, work through all the inevitable storms, and really make it far as a couple. 

Then I woke up....

I stopped believing that it was healthy for any woman to base her life decisions on a man who has not made a future with her clear, let alone shown any interest at all in dating her at all. It has happened on so many different occasions to women I know personally and they all end up regretful because of it. Now, it is a totally different scenario for someone who is married or engaged to be married. That is a different ball game. I am speaking on behalf of a woman who is dependent on a man to decide how her life plays out. That's not who I am, but I've definitely been there before. 

On top of that, if two people are serious about being together and making it work, distance can't change that. Couples survive long distance relationships all the time and successfully so. In this day in age, with all the advancements in modern technology, the accessibility of travel, and the ways of communication, it definitely can be done, but there has to be mutual interest. I'll only stay if that is God's instruction for me to stay, but not solely based on what may or may not be temporary affection for another human being.  I'm not even sure if I am able tame myself long enough to be good for him. Actually, I don't think I should have to.

He hasn't even asked me on a real date yet....

I understand that he's not in a place where he wants to be in a relationship and maybe I'm not either, but I am not willing to put my dreams on hold waiting on both of us to be ready at the same time...unwilling to settle for good enough.

Chymere Anais



  1. There is something entirely sexy about a man who is deeply rooted in his faith and have a relationship with Christ, or a "higher power."

    If I could give any words of encouragement, it would be to: focus on you, your career, get Chyemre together. I haven't been in a relationship in a while (I'm currently getting Courtnee together), but as I always say, timing is everything.

    It's always good to dream though...

    1. Yes . Extremely attractive.
      You're so right, timing is everything...and at the moment, that's what my focus is also.
      Plus, I'm all about being pursued = )

  2. SO glad you aren't stopping your dreams for a man! live for you and find a man who supports that and will grow with you :)

  3. One of my college professors said something a while back that has stuck with me ever since "don't make decisions based on your romantic feelings until you're at least 25 years old." I'm not necessarily in agreement with that sentiment, but it came from a good place. You're right, though. It's not good to base our decisions on a man (at least, one we're not married to), and I admire those couples who make the long distance thing work! As much as I love my bf, I have no idea how we'd keep that passion alive if we didn't see each other on a regular basis. Great post - Xo!

    1. Eh...I guess that's a reasonable point, although there are people who are married before technically, that's a partnership and you have to include all parties when making huge decisions. That's the thing...I think it would be a different song if I were in a relationship right now. Actually, I know it would be, because I'm all about sacrificing certain things to make it work. Maybe that's why I'm not in one right now lol because I would always keep my man in mind whenever something comes up. Not a bad thing, but it's not where I am mentally, you know. Thanks for reading!

  4. AMEN! I'm so glad you posted about this because I'm sure a lot of people can relate, including a younger me. I so used to be that girl who wanted to change her mind about what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go because of a potential relationship but now that's a huge negative. I think if this man wants you, he'll find a way to make it known and once it does, the two of you will find a way to make it work. It's interesting that you're attracted to him because he is a man of God, we have that in common ;) And, I think you're wrong about growth, you could very well be growing here, just take a moment and pay attention to the little things. You may be surprised :)

    1. Yes. Very attractive quality. And you're right about being pursued.

      I think I've been growing here but sometimes a flower outgrows its pot and it's time to be planted elsewhere. The little things keep me going! Sometimes your destiny has to do with how far out of your comfort zone you're willing to go. ♥

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  5. This is what I truly love when it comes to reading any of your posts.

    You are very ambitious girl and can no one take that away from you and that is the keyword: potential. Relationships can wait and if anything if they aren't willing to be there with you at the bottom with all the struggle then they don't deserve you at your best. Live for you, focus on you, and the rest will definitely follow.

  6. My best friend and I just had a conversation about this... at some point we do base our lives off of our significant, but once you have realized that life takes its own course, his life decisions don't matter. We change as people. Throw all that out the window. His spiritual views are absolutely amazing but girl, work on you, and when you are sure of who you are, when planning your life with someone, you'll start saying, "Do we compliment one another?" Its not about changing your ways its about the compromise.


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