Thursday, September 6, 2012

Changes, Beauty, and Growth

Who are you?
Why is it so hard for me to answer that question?
I literally looked in the mirror, as if I was gazing into the eyes of a complete stranger. Staring into my reflection always reveals something new to me about me.  When I have the courage to do so, I take off all my clothes and stand there.  There are days when  that beauty shines through.  Other days I am disgusted at how I look, asking God why He shaped me this way.  On those days, ugly and ashamed, I rush away from my reflection.  Sometimes I walk in a room, confidence sky high and people flock to that energy, but every once in a while I just know am invisible and no one proves me wrong.

Did you notice the pattern?  I am using real life situations to illustrate a point: attitude is everything. It's cliche, I know, but now I understand that the perspective I have of myself shifts with my attitude.  For instance, today I reverted my hair back to its original color of dark brown, because honey blond is just not me anymore and perhaps never was.  Sure it was a fun phase, but I couldn't figure out why I dyed it in the first place. 
Changing physically doesn't change you; it's all mental.  Recently, it dawned on me that the work that needs to be done, on me personally, stretches beyond what I can do physically. There is nothing wrong with a new outfit or a hairstyle as long as it's motivated by what you like. As silly as it sounds, for a while, I really believed that an exterior change would automatically bring a life change.  This meant anything from hair to geography.  Many times, transformation was caused by wanting to be accepted by them, to be as beautiful as her, or to impress him, every time leaving me empty, because being me was more than enough all along. Evolution occurs naturally; no need to force it.
Who are you?
In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert was on a search for her word; one single word that could describe herself perfectly without having to go into elaborate details about her life, accolades, and hobbies.  I am still  on the journey of looking for my word, but I do feel myself getting closer to knowing it everyday.
I said all that to say, there is nothing wrong with being who you are.  So what if it's not popular? People will make a headline out of it regardless and tomorrow it's old news. Like what you like, do what you love, surround yourself with the things and people that make you happy.  I cover this point a lot, but it all makes sense now.  I/you don't have to change who I/you am/are to fit, because my placement on this earth and in this universe is important like the sun and stars.   When it comes to self discovery, it's all about learning to love who you are just the way you are and not waiting on the validation of others. Being you is be-YOU-tiful in itself.

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