Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Today is Wednesday...

My judgement has been clouded lately, making it hard to see inside my own heart or recognize signs from the universe (God) to give me clarity.  The stress level has reached a new height these past couple of weeks, which makes it hard to stabalize my emotions. Frankly, I don't even know what is leading me to air out my thoughts here, but I'm flowing with the inspiration to do so, despite how cynical my words may sound.

In essense, I'm overwhelmed.  And I'm starting to realize my innate reaction to feeling like something is missing from my life; I throw myself completely into my ambitions and career plans, just to escape from thinking, from feeling.   Not sure where I am emotionally, but the facade I put on is becoming less and less convincing, because this smile can only hide what it can.  My fears and insecurities are starting to re-surface when I've spent so much time in transforming myself so that they would no longer exist.  Those are the devils I am currently dealing with. The happiness in my hands seems to be slipping away, slowly but surely.

Maybe this is just one of those days, just a passing phase that will subside when the stress decreases and my agenda is perfectly clear of ink stains and highligters.  Fortunately, I will be spending time with my family all weekend and that always brings the sun back to me when need be.  Until then, keep me in your prayers, please.

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