Sunday, May 6, 2012

Something to Believe in

Deep down inside, I've always believed that finding someone to grow in love with is some kind of wonderful, simply put.  Although I didn't grow up fantasizing about my perfect wedding day or living my life vicariously through Ken and Barbie weddings, I am still a hopeless romantic at the truest form possible.  And quite frankly, this is actually something I'm just starting to realize about myself.

This love for love thing is probably something that has been rekindled recently, because like most girls that have been burned by playing in the battlefield they assumed was love, for a period of time, I gave up on love...threw in the towel, if you will. Of course, I love who I am. I love my family and my friends...and I also love when they are happy. I love the things I am passionate about. I love the life energy of plants andearth and the spirit of God that I am surrounded by. But even within all that love, I developed an issue with romantic love...or rather, I didn't think it was for me. Even some of my friends can't easily visualize me as a married woman.  However, recently, I've been drawn to the idea of "the full package"; everything from soul mates and having a profound chemistry with another being to domestic life...the whole nine-just because I know now that I'm deserving.  It's pretty much all that stuff I denied myself of by not ever allowing anyone to get that close.  Compared to a couple of years ago, all I can say is: 'what a complete 180...'

To my surprise, I'm completely open to all these new feelings and desires, instead of asking where they are coming from.  Even though I do have a general idea of what happened to spark them, I'll just put it in my pocket to save for a later, more special moment.  I'm enjoying the rejuvenation and praying something extraordinary comes from it. In the meantime, I will just continue to chase God's heart, which keeps me optimistic about preparing for my king, as an individual, to love to my heart and soul's capacity and collectively experiencing a love worth believing in.

-Chymere A.

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